i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
