sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
