he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
