One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Randomize
