we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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