My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Go christen that room with your naked body.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Randomize
