but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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