The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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