Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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