If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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