Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Just pee around me
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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