My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
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