what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I am never drinking with the goths again.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Randomize
