How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Randomize
