your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
