Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
