I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
