took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
