I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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