I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
