weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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