i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
23 People Confess The Lamest Things They’ve Ever Done To Fit In
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
These 27 Texts Prove Pets Make Better BFFs Than Humans
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?