Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
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