Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
30+ People Share Their Worst ‘Intimate Experience’ And They’re Traumatizing
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
25 Shocking High School Scandals You Won’t Believe Are True
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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