Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo