I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.