yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
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just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
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YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature