so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.