I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
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And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
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Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover