No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
