Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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