i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
