im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
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