and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
