i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
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