Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
