i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Randomize
