I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Randomize
