I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
