did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize