that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
