EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
