My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
