if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
