alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
