i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
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She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
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if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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