Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Randomize
