well I can't set my house on fire every night
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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