WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
