Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
