i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
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