my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
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