is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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