Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
