how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
