there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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