I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
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