I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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