I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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