Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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