apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
did i walk over a car last night?
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Success! We fucked roommates!
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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