That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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