dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
