Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
