you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
So much rum. So many feels.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
