Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Randomize
