if you like me you must not know who I am
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
