i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Randomize
