thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
