I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
