My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
