So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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