Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
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