Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
True strength comes from lack of pants
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
