If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
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