she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
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