some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
