I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
did i walk over a car last night?
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
