I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
