Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
did i just pee glitter
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
