I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
