you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
