Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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