tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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