If you die in college, do you die in real life?
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
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