i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
