no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
