I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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