halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
